Should I break up with him to please my mom?

Sorry if this is long, but it takes some explaining...

My boyfriend and I have known each other since middle school. We've been BFFs for about 2 years and a couple for about a year and a half. I'm 18, he's 17. He treats me like a princess. He's never ever left my side, and he's ALWAYS been there for me. when we disagree, he sits down with me and talks the issue out. when I'm sad, he knows just how to cheer me up. He loves God, he doesn't smoke, drink, or do drugs. despite how well our relationship might seem, there's ALWAYS a HUGE stress on it. It's name is my mother. My mom HATES my boyfriend. she constantly lectures me about how I'm forging an inappropriate relationship (we haven't had sex, we aren't going to unless we get married), she yells at me if I'm texting him or on the phone with him for more than 15 minutes. she hardly lets me go anywhere because she's afraid I'll meet my boyfriend there. Before I leave for work or the store she'll say, "Remember, Molly: I have my spies out watching you." I'll admit, I have snuck out and met him at Starbucks a couple times to talk, but given the situation, wouldn't you?!? My relationship with my mother is strained, and I can't ever talk to her about anything because it somehow turns into a bitter fight about my boyfriend (which she always starts). My boyfriend respects my family and any rules my mom sets in place. He hasn't once thought about leaving me because my mom is psycho. He's still there for me 24/7. But I feel like I have to choose between my mom and him. If I want to REALLY please my mom, I'll have to cut out all contact with my boyfriend (she told me so). But I don't want to lose the love of my life, and my best friend. I'm so confused about what to do!

Half for laughs, half to show you how nuts my mom really is, here are some of her rules or instances where she's been way too paranoid:
- we can talk on the phone for 5 minutes a week.
-Texting is monitored (we never say anything inappropriate. The worst is "I love you".)
-We aren't allowed to sit on the same piece of furniture together. If he's on the couch, I can't even sit on the opposite end. I have to side across the room.
-We can't hug or hold hands. no PDA. Only high-fives.
-Our church had a skating party at a local skating rink a couple months ago, so my boyfriend and I went. My mom dropped us off and stayed to watch us. how do I know? she hid behind the lockers and stared at us the whole time. I later found out she gave my older sister the job of watching us from the snack booth. we didn't let it ruin our night.
-I am never allowed at his house unless my mom is with me. If we hang out together outside of church (which is about once every two months) he has to come to my house, and we have to stay in the living room, kitchen, dining room, or family room. we can only go outside if we've planned on doing something (like flying a kite).
- My mom gets upset with me because I don't have as many friends as my sister. she constantly asks why I can't go out with 20 people and have fun. I'm an introvert, I have maybe 3 or 4 close friends. I don't feel comfortable with lots and lots of people.

My mother's insanity is driving me to depression. I want to have a good relationship with my mom because I'm going away for college in the fall. I don't want to leave our relationship like this. But I don't feel like my boyfriend and I are doing anything wrong! My mom thinks she's right and everyone else is wrong, there's no talking to her. I've thought about moving out, but I'm not making enough money and I don't have a car right now. It's gotten so bad I've been suicidal lately, which I've talked to my mentor about. I'm working on it... I just don't know what to do. PLEASE help!!!!

no, i can see that you love him.

Not if you really love him.

wow!!! um 1st off i wanna say...boo your grown!!!! I don't think you breaking up with your bf will make you and you mothers relationship any better! Personally i think it will make it worse because u will always wonder "what if?" and you will always blame her for it. your not a child anymore so you need to get out the house and try to live your life. now don't get me wrong, mothers are very important, so don't just disconnect from her, so show your interdependency

He sounds like a great guy but y'all are young, and as long as your in you mothers house you have to obey by her rules, and you don't agree...then move out. Plain and simple.

**GoodLuck**

...congratulations ! ...you've finally reached the point in your life when it's NOW time to call Jerry Springer !

I didn't read the whole thing. But jsut to tell by this question. It's not yoru moms life that your living, it's yours. Dont let your mom tell you haow to live your life, becuase if you just try to please her, then your giong to have to live with it, not her.

He sounds like a great guy..dont break up with him. your mom is kind of a jerk. your how old...18?? she needs to let you grow up!!

This seems like more of a problem between you and your mom then between you and your boyfriend. He shouldn't be punished because your mom (clearly) has some sort of issues. Do you have a dad who can talk to her? an aunt? You need to talk to an adult about her. maybe she needs some sort of help. You never know.

if he treat you like a princes then let you're mom and all you're family go to hell...its you're live you're future don ever ever allow to any one decide or control you're live specially something serious like that...this you're live girl and what you want...and sense as you say he is a good man and you are so sure about that then take you're shield and you're sword and fight for you're live fight for what you believe its good for you.

You shouldn't break up with him. You and your mom need to have a mature talk. Like tell her that, tell her "Hey mom, I want to sit down with a one on one talk, two mature adults". tell her how well your boyfriend treats you, tell her how much you love him, tell your mom that you've gotten suicidal lately. You just need to tell her "I love him. I'm not breaking up with him, no matter what you say. It's my life, I love him." I think your mom just doesn't want you dating a younger guy..but yenno, theres nothing wrong with thaaat. GOOD LUCK!

I say thank God you're going away to college. is your mother a religious fanatic? You're 18 years old. she can't legally restrain you. I admire you for respecting her wishes, but her restrictions are way out of line. is it just the boy she doesn't like? or is it more that she doesn't like you to be alone with him? You're right, she's insane. Good Luck to you sweetie, you'll be going to college before you know it.

only one thing to do in this situation. sit your mom down and set her @ss straight tell her you love him and won't even consider leaving him just to please her and if she isn't fine with you being with him then she needs to grow the fk up. love isLove if you love someone NEVER let it go. no matter if it's your family or your friends NEVER!!!. your mom is being a little betch over it she seriously needs to grow up i wouldn't even try to please her if she is acting this way.

PS- if your mom is scared she will lose you tell her you will always be their for her i mena she probably would be scared to lose you if she is divorced who would want to be home alone? with no lover or friends

The fact that you're asking this question means that deep down, somewhere, you know your mom is right, even though your relationship is strained. your mom's freaking out probably comes from the fact that you remind her of being JUST LIKE HER when she was growing up!

Be smarter than your mom: listen to her, and learn from the mistakes that she's already made. ask her that if she wants YOU to trust HER, she has to tell you THE TRUTH. Let her be your best friend.
Then dump her if she lets you down.

When did she first have sex?
What advice does she have for you about that?
What were the "wrong" kind of boys that she hung out with?
Just between you and her, is there someone that she would have rather married than your dad?
(you are going to have to keep this promise for the rest of your life, or you will regret it -- even when you're so angry at her.)

Do the things that you do remind her of some mistake that she's made?
So Mom, did you ever get pregnant and give up a baby for adoption?
Did she ever have an abortion?
Who did she hang out with in school? (Are those people around for you to be able to ask if her stories that she tells you, are true???)
So who are the guys she hung out with?

If she's serious about caring about YOU, and you know that she can trust you not to blab HER secrets (even when you two are fighting), you will have the best irreplaceable relationship in your life that you'll ever have, to her dying day. (I'm also assuming that your mom is not an alcoholic or drug abuser, in which case, none of this applies, and I would not trust her.)

Try this: if you trust your mom and you're getting STRAIGHT answers from her about these difficult questions, then treat your mom as if she were YOU that many years in the future, and giving advice to her younger self. plus, you'll get a secret peek in to the future to avoid doing the same bad things that she did -- genetics is an unstoppable force.

If so/if you can trust her after she answers these questions for you, then break up with him.
If not, if she lies, or she won't answer and share with YOU, then bah, she's a hypocrite and should not be trusted.

But it sure would be great (if it works out) to try what your mom suggests, just for a year, and see if it works.

Ask her advice about new guys, and date guys that she approves of. tell her about them before you bring them by to meet her. I know this sounds cheesy, but I wish I had listened more to my mom growing up, because she was right about all the losers I dated, dang it.

Let her experience be your compass (again, if you trust her and she's straight with you).

Also, promise her you'll talk to her before you have sex. this may seem seriously gross, but she's already had sex, and you might be predisposed to getting into a relationship or tricked into having sex with some stupid kind of guy like maybe she was!! Talk to her like she's a sister and not your mom. She'll be absolutely blown away.

Tell her that if you find out she's lying to you, then the deal's off. (Because "you have spies out watching her!" LOL!)

Wouldn't it be great to be able to trust what your mom says, and maybe not make some serious mistake that perhaps she hasn't told you about yet, that YOU are on track to repeating yourself, which would be very very bad??

So dare her. Let her analyze and monitor your life to death, because if you trust her, then you don't have to hide anything from her so she can trust you, too.

But it's a two-way street, hold your mom's feet to the fire!!! Let's see if she walks the talk!!

Never break up with someone that you love for a family member.
Ignore your mom, stick with your boyfriend !
Your mother should grow up and leave you alone, you're 18 !!!

Should I break up with him to please my mom?