Could you read what I wrote please?

Posted by admin on August 28th, 2011

I've been editing this a little, could you please tell me what you think? It's the beginning of my book and for some reason something seems a little off. Constructive criticism is very much appreciated. Thanks!

By the age of ten years old, Glora was a skinny girl who took pride in such things as wearing mismatched socks and flaunting her messy, uncombed hair. she enjoyed such activities as racing through the streets of the city with a wild gang of children and accepting dares, no matter how wild they might have been. The majority of the city merchants knew her not by name but as “that skinny, dark-haired scamp”. Indeed, although most adults found her amusing and slightly intimidating, many others (the law enforcers in particular) saw her as a nuisance and were constantly trying to find her name and her home, scouring the poor region of the city for hours at a time, hours that, in the opinion of many a citizen, could be better spent tracking worthy criminals such as the Sneak. in truth, the law enforcers were rather frightened by this particular criminal, and justified their lack of enthusiasm by pointing to the fact that nobody had, as of yet, proved that the Sneak was anything more than a rumor. Many ghastly stories were associated with the criminal, and so the children were shielded from the possibility of its existence. As a result, the stories and the criminal were the most discussed pieces of forbidden information spread throughout the young population, and many games and dares sprang up from the whispered conversations which took place in the numerous hidden nooks throughout the city.
There was a simple reason as to why Glora and her place of residence had remained undiscovered for such a length of time. Contrary to the assumptions of the local law enforcement, the child did not actually live in the poor region, known to most as the East Provinces. Indeed, Glora spent much of her time plotting her escape from the wealthiest region of the entire kingdom, the North Provinces. it wasn't as if she wished to be cold and hungry, as was the unfortunate situation for the majority of her little friends. The girl possesed an odd arrogance about her, derived from some combination of her rough and wild playmates and her excessively wealthy and noble heritage. her parents were the owners of a massive manor, in which their child could rarely be found at any time of day before dinner. it is safe to say that neither mother nor father wasted much concern on their daughter during the early years of her youth, instead devoting their energy to maintaining the family business and the affairs of the kingdom. Glora had become subtly talented at slipping away without notice, predictably right before a mathematics tutor called at the door or otherwise at the mention of any other form of boredom.
It wasn't untill the day of her eleventh birthday that Glora's mother realized her daughter was becoming quite out of control. and so she was located and retrieved from the depths of the East as only a mother has the ability to do, given a proper washing which involved an unsightly tantrum and much scrubbing, and finally dressed up in a pale yellow dress. her dark mess of curls was combed and tied up and back in a fashion mimicking the style of other well-to do young ladies, many of whom were invited to attend Glora's birthday celebration that evening.

A tense quiet occupied the dining room as Glora sat stiffly against the high-backed chair. The meal before her was lavish and grand; pine nut served with rasberry and a beverage of clear, smooth sugar water, a rare delicacy. she looked about the room darkly, glaring at all who returned her gaze. Vaguely she noticed that her parents had cleverly seated the queen's daughter to her right and the tax collector's to her left, but after a few friendly smiles directed at Glora they had given up and commenced a light and - in Glora's opinion - utterly meaningless conversation. a glance towards her parents cooled her fiery temper, however; they were looking at her with rather worried frowns as she continued to ignore her guests.

It's good, you write well. I was kind of lost, though.

wow i liked it, its really good, but it should be The Sneak, capitalise the the too